Loss and Revitalization

Etching by Eylish Sweeney of her father, Tim Sweeney, replicating my promotional photo of his comedy show.

So, I’m baaack… officially. After taking nearly two months to consider what I’m doing with my work and how I should consider taking my skills and using them to better contribute to community. After the loss of Wayne Dyer, and wondering how much I should reconsider how my work is purposed, with two people who have quickly come in and out of my life with passing on to something beyond living… I considered how much they both worked to bring people together in order to help ‘community’ above all else. Considering how we can all benefit one another with a common goal of making the world a better place. And loving every bit of it all.

Katie and Tim Sweeney always said, “Take the cards you’re dealt.” They’ve been given to you for a reason so use them to the best of your benefit! Looking back at life seems to make it easier to see those prosperous traits that always existed in my nature. The natural state of being that came so easily before judgement and question of talent ever came to play. I had been writing since I was six years old and could write 10 page papers in two days before I hit the age of 10. Piles of journals full of poetry that I wrote since I was a kid, up until I turned 20… and then everything stopped.

I was too concerned about making it to tomorrow. Wondering how getting by was going to be achieved. By then, there was a huge recession. It was the beginning of the 21st Century. I was looking for my place in life and was completely lost in the uncertainty of it all. My ambition to be a scientist drove me to my next adventure, but during those years I truly lost all recollection of that natural state of being that kept me up late at night and poured out of me like provenance.

Going back to college, I got it all back like a serendipitous mistake; looking for ways to expose myself as a photographer and forgetting that I had the skill to write because of all those years of writers block that lingered beneath that resonated haze that kept me from remembering how much I could do and how versatile I was at making words make sense on paper so much more than I could in practice physically.

At this point, with so many stories to tell… so many that have proven to help others, yet I’ve continued to lack the courage to share them beyond people I could trust or knew that truly needed to hear them… the loss of these two great man left me to consider whether I should be doing more with this skill…

Following this path in life has driven me to amazing people! I keep following this path and I keep finding myself rewarded with each moment that I work to help people and bring people together. Finding a life within the art community was one that I never fathomed for myself! I was always told that it was something that wasn’t profitable and could not be a means for supporting ones self in order to thrive in any society. I’ll admit, I never worked as hard in my entire life as I have and continue to as I pursue this line of work, but I have also never seen quite as much accomplishment and fulfillment has I have with every tiny step I’ve taken to help others in their endeavors as a writer/photojournalist.

So, with these near two months past, and attending my last NCAN (North County Arts Network) meeting for the year, I have been reminded of how much people value my skills and how much I AM needed in doing what I do. For the better.

I help nonprofits in various ways! I’ve written news articles to help inform the public about important issues. Even one’s that I preferred to avoid… I’ve continued to find amazing work with wonderful people that have a common interest in helping others. And I’ve done so much to get to this point where I am skilled and able enough to help the arts community in San Diego.

Maybe it wasn’t so much of a coincidence that I ended up finishing college with a BA in Arts and Technology, with am emphasis in photojournalism; a double minor in Film Studies and Dance; and two AA’s in Art and Studio Art. The people I am finding at this point in my life are working to improve life and culture within my community and can very much use these types of skills.

So, after all this personal debate, I’ve come to the conclusion that not much is going to change. The personal rewards keep coming and they’re continuing to make others happy, so I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing until something else comes up to make me reconsider the focus of my work. Sure, all the Arts and Entertainment coverage I provide is great fun, but everything I do in the background that doesn’t appease the masses in pop culture’s highly rated industry work deeply touches the lives of individuals and community that profoundly appear to benefit in development and outcome.

May the good times roll!